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The Cruise

You could say the time you spend on the boat is the "meat and potatoes" of the trip. That is a pretty stupid expression, but you could say it. It would probably be a better idea to say that you will be spending a lot of time on the boat, so a lot is riding on how much fun it is to be sailing around the Caribbean on a floating city. The good news is that Carnival calls them the "Fun Ships" for a reason.

Food

Virtually all food is free on the cruise. The only food that you have to pay for are cakes and other candies available for purchase at one of the coffee shops. You can also pay extra ($30 per person) for especially fancy food at one of the restraunts on the boat. Otherwise, if it is not already on the plate of a fellow traveler, you can grab whatever you want and chow down.

The selection and availability of food is great. Formal dinners and breakfasts are available in the main dining room. There always a buffet available at some time during normal waking hours. Room service (sandwiches, breakfast food, etc) is 24/7. Failing all that, there is also a 24-hour pizzeria.

Formal Dinners

The formal, seated dinners on board were great. Our waiter and assistant waiter were very friendly and went out of their way to please us. Here is a fun tip - just because there is a list of appetizers and entrees does not mean you have to choose just one from the lists. You can order as many appetizers and entrees as you want. You paid for it all up front, so if you want to try the both the eggrolls and smoked salmon appetizers for your dinner, go for it!

Since all of the food is already paid for and there is such a variety of food, this is a great time to try out new things. Some of the foods I had never had before the cruise included:

Note that the formal dinners take place at large tables. Unless you have brought some friends, it is likely that you will be seated next to other travelers you do not know. This is not necessarily bad, since it gives you people to talk to on your cruise. This is a problem when you are randomly stuck with people with bad personalities. You do not want to miss the food at the formal dinner, but you may be stuck with people you could do with out.

In our case, we sat with one person whose hobby seemed to be the sadistic belittling of everyone around him. Patty and I stuck it out. We probably could have asked the Matre'D for new seating arrangements. Or we could have ate at the buffet every night. Or we could have eaten at "Nick and Nora's" (the restaurant on board you pay extra for). If you do not have the same patience as us, you could try one of these alternatives.

Food Warnings

If you are at all concerned about your weight, you may not want to go on a cruise. If you have some self-control, you will only become visibly fatter after the cruise (think the college "freshman 15"). If you have no self-control, you will become an immobile blob of fat with hands. The cruise staff will have to roll you out of the boat at the end of your trip like that blueberry girl from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."

"That's silly, John", you are saying, "I've read there is a gym available on the boat. I'll get up at 7:00am every day and work off the calories I've eaten." Sure you will. Make sure to bring sweatpants for your exercising - they expand with your waistline!

One more thing about the food - there are vegetarian alternatives on board, but like most restaurants, the vast majority of the food will be served with meat. You may want to keep this in mind if you are a traveling vegetarian. As always, the buffets are your friend.

Entertainment

My hat goes off to our cruise director Carlo and one of his assistants: "Karl with a K." They were always up on stage, mingling with guests and making sure everyone was having a good time. They really made the entertainment on the ship memorable. I can only hope all of the ships have entertainment directors like these.

Our entertainment director usually told us of the big events going on day to day. We were also given a newsletter each night that told us where all the fun was. There were some communication problems, but the events were typically where they said they would be and on time.

Main Shows

The ship comes with its own orchestra. You get to hear them every night during the main shows. Its easy to get spoiled on a big band playing in an auditorium for free every night. The "Captain's Cocktail Party" was particularly good, since they dimmed the lights, passed out drinks, and the whole place had the ambiance of a classy jazz nightclub.

As a sidenote, if you like alcohol, then you want to attend the Captain's Cocktail Party. As far as I could tell, it was any drink you could want for free, and as many as you want for free. Presumably, they want you to get a taste for it all so you will buy more throughout the week. This did not work in my case, since I tried a Manhattan - which should probably be called a "Manhattan Project" given the drink's similarity to atomic weapons.

Over the course of the trip, we saw two "Las Vegas" style shows, a juggler, two comedians, a singer, and a hypnotist. There were also multiple "Welcome Aboard" shows and little games. All of the shows ranged from "pretty good" to "great." The ship had high-energy big shows, and the dancers and singers were particularly good. I did not fail to be entertained every night.

All of the main shows were family shows. There was nothing too racy about them. In fact, I noticed the "Camp Carnival" kids were brought to the first Las Vegas style show. This meant that the comedians were constrained to family humor at the main shows. However, for those fans of George Carlin or Chris Rock out there, you could find the comedians performing "rated R" humor later in the evening.

I have only one complaint about the main shows: the auditorium. The auditorium's construction allows only a few people to get completely unobstructed views. Showing up a half hour early for the main shows to acceptable seats is a must.

Games

If you like games, they were being held constantly throughout the day on the cruise. Patty and I skipped most of them because we were busy eating or going on shore excursions. The ones we did attend were fun. We learned how to do the opening dance from the "Austin Powers" movie from one of the dancers. We gave a demonstration of our new skill to some of our fellow cruisers. They also had "The Marriage Game" - which was their version of "The Newlywed Game." You can imagine the fun they had with that one. Sadly, only three couples were selected from the entire auditorium, so Patty and I did not get to play.

Spa Carnival

Carnival has a Spa you can pay extra for. The Spa runs promotions every week, so if there is a service you would like, you can try waiting and it will probably go on "sale" on a particular day. Even with the sales, their services are not cheap. They start at around $100 and only go up.

Perhaps this is normal for Spas, but most of their services seem to be fruity New Age nonsense. "Detoxification", "Healing", and "Purity" were the buzzwords used over and over again. I would have ignored all of the nonsense terms if the Spa were not so expensive! Patty and I did not have time (or money!) to do anything with Spa Carnival.

Art Auction

The art auction was a big deal. In fact, there were several art auctions. They lure you in with free champagne, art raffles, and a free piece of art valued at $95 (looks like a printout of a painting to me). The auction we attended lasted about three hours, which was a bit longer than we expected.

If you are looking to seriously buy a piece of art, this is the place to do it. However, I would recommend doing research first. They are quick with the terminology, artists names, how they reproduce works of art, etc. If you are not careful, you may a lot of money for a reproduction you thought was an original piece.

Prices start at $95. Anything good is going to cost $200 plus. If you like Thomas Kinkade, you are not alone. You can buy his work at this auction, but be prepared to bid. Everyone else wants to buy Thomas Kinkade too.

Patty and I saw some pieces we liked. I saw one I particularly liked by Linda Le Kniff. It was a picture of two lovers, probably just getting back from work, getting together. It was a nice image, and it reminded me of Patty and me. There was another that was a beautiful picture of a Japanese woman in a Kimono smelling a flower. But with $500 price tags, we could not justify buying either them. How about we make that next car payment instead of buying a pretty picture to hang on our wall?

Gambling

The ship has its own casino and also holds Bingo at least once a day in the main auditorium. The casino only operates when the ship is at sea to avoid pesky local laws. The same is true for the gift shop.

There are plenty of machines and human dealers to play with. Patty and I even put in a couple bucks into a couple machines. I have never really understood gambling. Perhaps it is more fun with a human dealer playing cards. My experience with the mechanical gambling machines invariably goes something like this:

  1. Put in money.
  2. Press button.
  3. Lose.
  4. Try again.
  5. Lose again.
  6. Lose interest.

Obviously, there is something wrong with me, since there were plenty of other cruisers that were happy to sit in front of the machines all day slowly dumping in the contents of a bucket of cash. I must not be cool like them. Perhaps I should take up smoking too.

Ship Decor

So, what does the inside of the ship look like? On my first day, I called it an "adult's playground." I think that is still an apt description. Elegant and refined it is not. For the main areas, think "Las Vegas" and "gaudy."

This is not necessarily a bad thing, it depends on your point of view. I thought the bright colors, shiny objects, statues, paintings and fountains were neat and stimulating. Others, I am sure, will think that the whole ship is rather tacky. Fair enough - if you do not like this sort of thing, you probably want to go on another cruise.

Stateroom

Our stateroom was perfectly fine. It was much like any other hotel room in the world. It came with a couch, a table, two beds that were put together to make one big bed, a TV, a safe that was locked and unlocked with your credit card, large closets, and a private bar. We never looked at the private bar.

If you can afford it, a room with a balcony is a wonderful thing. We could not afford it, but we got one anyway because not enough people were riding on the ship. The balcony comes with two chairs and a small table. If you like relaxing with some good company, a drink, and view, there is nothing quite like looking at the sea from your balcony window.

Our stateroom was a wonderful home base. There were many days where we came back from a long shore excursion and were too tired to do anything else for a while. So, we watched some TV. We got cable television on the cruise, along with videotapes of events that had already happened on the cruise (this was more entertaining and useful than you might think). We also had a free movie channel, and we watched "I, Robot" more than once while we were relaxing or getting ready to do something else. You can purchase movies to view on demand too, but we did not.

Our stateroom was managed by a steward, but we never saw him. This was not his fault, we just did not have a need to contact him, so we did not. Who needs to call a steward when your room is cleaned twice a day? They clean it in the morning like any normal hotel, but then they clean it again when you are out to dinner. The second time, they leave behind mints, towels, a newsletter with the next day's events and little animals made from folded towels. You have to see these little guys to believe it.

Gifts

If you want to buy jewelry, perfume, watches, or liquor cheaply, the cruise gift shops are the place to be. No sales tax. Prices are lower than on the mainland. Its a great place to be if you like shopping.

Aside from the liquor and high-priced goods, they also had an assortment of crystal, T-shirts, clothing accessories (purses, scarves, etc.), and food. Patty is the expert on shopping, and she noted that the prices on the boat were very good. She purchased a nice purse for $10 that would go for $30 on the mainland. And there is no sales tax! Score!

There is one thing to watch out for concerning the alcohol. You can purchase as much alcohol as you like, but you do not get to have your alcohol until the last day of the cruise. They box it up and keep it in a storehouse until then. So, if you were planning to have a drunken frat party and binge drink straight from the bottle, you are going to have to do that when you get off the boat.


next up previous contents
Next: The Excursions Up: Travelog A Western Caribbean Previous: Practical Concerns   Contents
John 2005-06-02